“What gives value to travel is fear” – Camus
You’d think I would be used to it by now. Considering a number of untold hours I have spent in the air over my lifetime, you would think that turbulence and I have a solid, unfazed relationship. Not true. I detest turbulence. The minute the plane starts shaking and bumping with all of 40,000 feet of free fall between it and earth, my heart starts pounding and I wish I had not said ‘no’ to that glass of red (it’s the plastic cups, you know, nobody should drink wine from plastic cups … but that’s a different story). No matter how bored and casual the pilot sounds as his voice drawls across the loudspeaker, “Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems we have hit a tad of turbulence (no friggin kidding, Junior?!). So we ask you to return to your seats (yep, done that, curled up in the seat) and fasten your seat belts. The cabin crew will cease service (please cease service, keep your salad and bread roll, just throw me some valium) at this time.” He doesn’t have me fooled! Turbulence is not my friend.
It seems that flying and turbulence go together. I wish they didn’t, but it is simply a cruel part of this unnatural experience. If you are going to place your body in a metal and plastic aerodynamic structure and hurl it through space, the likelihood of striking turbulence is about as high as the possibility of drama and weeping on The Bachelor. Turbulence reminds me that there are many unforeseen air pockets and storms that we will encounter in this thing called ‘life’.
Without turbulence, it would just be one, long smooth flight to our next destination. How utterly boring (doesn’t boring sound wonderful?!). Turbulence cuts through the bollocks and delusion of control. It reminds us that we are vulnerable and that the notion that we have control over our lives is as illusionary as an oasis in a bone dry desert. We can map out the most beautiful destination, set the most splendid route that promises us sunshine and unicorns farting butterflies, but with one shudder of that plane we remember that life seldom follows the path of glorious boring monotony. Life is all about facing our fear. Turbulence makes sure we do.
Be wary of anything or anyone that tells you otherwise. In a consumer culture there’s always someone selling something that promises “No Turbulence Guaranteed”. If you drink this potion, eat this green slime, say this prayer, mouth this mantra, wear this talisman or have this much faith, then you will encounter no turbulence. So you buy into the farce with gusto, only to discover a few months or years later, it’s not true. Turbulence is one of those annoying necessities of life – and there’s no way round but through. Turbulence has your number – because turbulence shakes out of you what sunshine, butterflies and cupid kisses won’t – your shadowy fear.
Fear, like turbulence, is a part of life. It is not fear in and of itself that creates all the problems. It’s the denial of fear. The suppression of fear. The inability to own or recognise how fear has held us back in so many areas of our lives. Turbulence exposes our captivity to fear. It is only when the storms of life hit that we have the opportunity to examine what lurks in some of the dungeons of our heart … but only if we pay attention … only if we are honest …
Turbulence has often come into my life in the most inconvenient of times! Just a few years ago it came to me through the lives and stories of those on the margins. It totally upset my nicely held set of beliefs and ideals. It exposed some of my darkest fears – what if I listen to my heart and lose all I have built in this beautiful, tiny, hyper-real bubble of existence? Facing that fear was traumatic. There was no way round but through. And I did lose. And it did hurt. And I did grieve. And I also survived. And I could never go back. Turbulence broke fear’s spell.
I still don’t like turbulence. There’s no real way we can make peace with it. We are wired in such a way, that, if at all possible, we will avoid it. This is not a post about welcoming turbulence. Friend, this is a post to let you know that you are not alone when facing it. It will impact your life and change your travel plans. But there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you. You are just fortunate to walk the path of the living – and the living face turbulence and with it their fears. May you be brave.
“When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” Murakami