Reflecting on a Year of Adversity

Adversity is the first path to truth.

– Lord Byron

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As the hush of Advent falls on many hearts over the next few weeks, it is a good time to reflect on and remember 2015. To ‘remember’ means to consciously acknowledge the past – an event, a person, or a series of circumstances, for example. To remember means that we acknowledge the history of our own lives and those around us.

2015 has been a year of adversity for me, more so than usual. Don’t get me wrong, I am no stranger to grief or difficulty. I have experienced my fair share, just like everyone else. However, this year was different. This year I experienced adversity that drove me to a great state of anxiety, turned me upside down, inside out, and when the silence fell – I somehow was still standing. I want to thank Adversity this year.

It started with an interview in April on Joy FM. An interview in which I discussed my observations of the effect of the ex-gay therapy movement (which is still alive and kicking in many Christian organisations and churches) on LGBTIQ Christians with whom I have journeyed over several years. The healing and comfort this interview brought to so many people was surprising. To this day I am contacted at least once a week by someone who has found some form of healing or shalom listening to it. The emails, calls and messages have often left me in tears. I am so grateful for the opportunity and privilege to serve this brave group of people.

imageThe Adversity that followed the interview was not surprising. Hysteria would be the tone I would use to describe it. It came from all directions – religious lobby groups, Christian folks I have never heard of, and also people that I knew, some fairly well. Anonymous letters, emails, calls, some direct, and some, in classic adherence to a silent patriarchal system, who chose to voice their anger or concern to the men in my life that they thought had some form of ‘authority’ over me. To each one of these people who contributed to the rather heavy storm of Adversity in my life, I want to say thank you. You all played a vital role in providing further helpful information in understanding some of the paradigms held in fundamentalist religious circles. You also helped me recognise some of the tightly held idealistic ‘loyal soldiers‘ that I urgently needed to dismiss. Adversity did that – and you helped. Thank you.

Thank you for creating deep empathy in my life for all who suffer anxiety. I never have experienced anxiety to any great level, but your letters, videos, newsletters helped me understand this space and how helpless you feel tossed about in its waves. Unlike many people in my life, my anxiety was not a permanent companion as much as a temporal result of bullying. This was patiently explained to me by a fantastic GP, whose passionate pep talk helped clear the cobwebs and was invaluable in gaining proper perspective. The Adversity I experienced was a key in realising what a paralysing force anxiety can be. Adversity helped shape a much greater respect and recognition of the people in my life who take on this reality every day of their lives with tremendous courage. Without this episode in my life I would still be getting my problem-solving ‘German’ on, failing to really understand. I am grateful to Adversity as I have become a little bit less of a jerk because of it.

But maybe the next three expressions of gratitude are the most important. I want to thank you, Adversity, because my life has been even more enriched by the ever growing LGBTIQ family that I love so very much. Friends that have shown me what courage, love and determination really look like. They imagehave shown me what faith, grace and humility look like while they are the objects of religious marginalisation, slander and persecution. If what I went through this year is a tiny fraction of what my LGBTIQ friends face on a regular basis from a section of the ‘devout’ group, I can only marvel at their resilience. I cannot believe I am so fortunate to have the hand of Providence guide my path in such a manner that it collided with these giants of faith.

Thank you, Adversity, that you again showed me the incredible gift of family and old friends. Like the Rock of Gibraltar they stood by my side – their calls, emails, texts and visits healed the wounds and over and over again showed me that love is greater than fear. I am especially grateful for a life partner who is encouraging, kind and faithful. After 30 years we still hold differences with kindness. You reminded me of that incredible gift, Adversity. Thank you.

But most of all I want to thank you, Adversity, that your presence throughout the year reminded me that Grace trumps all. Grace, that consistently seeks to free me from a religious matrix of fear, intimidation and control. Grace that reminded me that I am God’s beloved and not the object of the opinions of others. Grace that has shown me that I can let go. Grace that enabled me to throw back my head and laugh in your face. It was grace that brought you into my life, Adversity, and transformed it. Thank you for heeding the call of Grace. 2015 will go down in my life as a year of great Adversity and a year of even greater Grace. I will remember this year like Jacob’s angelic encounter – forever limping, forever changed, forever grateful.

But what about you? What will you remember? What will be the narrative you would read to me out of your 2015? Was it a year of great joy and shalom? Or was it a rather turbulent year, like mine? As you reflect on 2015 and the years before that, you will then lift your eyes to the present and the future. May the next chapters be filled with more awe-inspiring adventures. You have one life to live. You are greater than the opinions of others and the Adversity that seeks you out. I know in the midst of the storm it really doesn’t feel like it. Please don’t give up. Get up, sing that new and broken song. Howl at the moon. Stand in awe and wonder. Give your life in making this world just a little bit kinder. And dream big dreams. His Grace really is sufficient. Remember that!

Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.
– Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

 

 

 

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